TEARFUL, FEARFUL, CHEERFUL

Today, I lost it.
I broke down and cried in front of my mentor teacher.
It probably made her think that I am a mental teacher.

And, truthfully, I may be a little mental! It has been a long week of working really hard, really long, and sometimes really haphazardly. It may have made me crazy.

But, not for naught. I now have a really cute classroom with 29 desks and 29 chairs and 29 red folders and 29 orange folders and 29 boxes of crayons and 29 sharpened pencils and 29 math books and 29 spelling books and 29 writing notebooks and and and...

I even have lesson plans and papers run off and my M,T,W,Th,F baskets filled with things to do.

So, for a moment there, I was cheerful.

But after one visit too many to my cute little classroom (complete with polka dot paper and red borders) from some other teachers, I began to doubt my own brilliance. After a look or two around the classroom, I would get comments like these:
"Oh, my. Polka dots? You know children can't learn with polka dots around. They'll be too distracted."
and
"Oh, my. You're using red in your classroom? You know red is the color of anger, and children can't learn with that color in the room. Everything needs to be blue. Studies show that blue is calming and aids in education."
and
"Oh, my. You're going to use that book to instruct your children? No, no. That's not the right book. That book is too hard for these children."
and
"Oh, my. I would never use that method."
"Oh, my. I would never take that approach."
"Oh, my."
"Oh, my."
Oh, my.

And then, I was fearful.
Fearful of doing the wrong thing, I began to second guess everything I'd done, was about to do, or ever thought about doing. I went to my mentor teacher (who is, by the way, absolutely amazing!), just to ask her if I needed to use a different textbook...

And then I was tearful.

I couldn't stop myself. I cried. Highly unprofessional, I know, but also highly impossible to stop once started.

But, that was then and this is now, and now I am home after a good night at the theater. I am cheerful once more.

School starts Monday, polka dots, text book, and all.
Sans tears.
Moderated fears.

Three cheers.