REDUNDANT, REMISS, RESOLVED, and REALLY BUGGED

Oh, where oh, where has my blogging time gone? Oh, where oh, where can it be?

I'll tell you where! All blogging time, thought, and capacity has been sucked away and drained by preschool. So sorry to have left you lost and lonely without me, but not as sorry as I am to see that my life has been taken over by my supposed part-time job. That is why I am REALLY BUGGED.

This job was supposed to be easy. I was supposed to show up at 12:15 and help for 3 hours with some cute 4 year olds. Well, I do show up at 12:15, and some of the 4 year olds are cute. Some of them, however, are hellions, and have helped me RESOLVE never to teach full-time, never to think my children are bad, and never to change a 4 year old's diaper again.

Laura, the morning aide, and I spend all our time planning, prepping, cutting, stacking, teaching, singing, sharing everything. Then we go home and get more stuff ready so we can do it again the next day. Laura, however, has a far better attitude than I, and is keeping me in check (and employ) because a) she is a dear friend and I love working with her and b) she says that this is one of the Lord's tender mercies. Only she doesn't mean for us, necessarily. She says that this time we might be the tender mercy for someone else. I am way too grumpy and short-sighted to want to buy into that right now. Truthfully, right now the only reason I am staying put is that my parents taught me not to be a quitter. Something about making commitments and people relying on you. Blah, blah, blah. And maybe, just maybe, there might be something to what Laura has to say...

I am REMISS because I cannot seem to pull myself out of my preschool induced funk, because I didn't even know my sister's husband was in the hospital, because I haven't been able to finish a book since school started, and because I thought this job would be great.

I am REDUNDANT because all I can talk about is how frustrated I am with preschool, because I could have titled this blog "Disappointed" or "Peeved" or "Mean," or "Super Mean" and you would have gotten the same message, and because I am going to do the same thing today that I've been doing all month long. Preschool.

I know I should be a bigger and better person. I am eating lots of dark chocolate for the former and still going to church for the latter. I am also trying to put things in perspective and RESOLVE to turn this into a positive experience. You may or may not be told the final outcome: I may not ever have time to write again, and failure is an option. But hopefully the Lord and Laura will have more mercy on me and help me to see this through.

(10/2) Postscript: It has now been a few days since I originally posted this entry. I have since reconsidered, repented, and returned to edit a few things.
Really, preschool is not all that bad. Either I was really grumpy that day, or I'm now getting used to things. It's probably the latter, because essentially nothing has changed, but it is getting easier. That's probably one of the Lord's tender mercies for me.
I have wondered why this has been so difficult. I think it comes down to this: I thought it was going to be easy. A cake walk of a job, instead of a full-time post at the bakery. I am, simply put, a lazy wimp, and therefore quite disappointed at having to do more than anticipated. I will be better. Maybe. Sometime.
I am reminded of the quote often printed with a picture of Christ, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." That has always bugged me, because he did kind of say it would be easy (Matthew 11:30 "For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."). And he didn't just say "it" was worth it, he told us what "it" is. It is repentance (D&C 16:6), the scriptures (Nephi 5:21, 13:23, 2 Nephi 33:3), knowledge of the gospel (2 Nephi 3:7), and PEOPLE (D&C 18:10)!
If Christ said it would be easy, and told me that people are worth it, then it sounds to me like I'd better stick it out a little longer in preschool. But what I really should do is make him my partner. And maybe that's the very lesson that this student needed to (re) learn.