DUMB

And done, with this book:

This was a fun, fascinating, and thoroughly enjoyable book. It even has pictures (well, political cartoons from "The New Yorker." I got a chuckle out of those!). I just couldn't understand it. Not one bit. I've decided I am just too dumb.

I must not be an actual descendant of the Lofgreen clan. I cannot play Scrabble, Boggle, or Rook. Neither can I understand the rules or arguments of philosophy and logic, and that's what this book was all about .
Apparently I also missed out on the Slade-line ability to read, use, and understand extra big words. Ah. That would have been a helpful attribute as I endeavored to make sense out of these 196 pages of political double speak, no speak, and me no speak so good anymore. My brain hurts too much. Maybe it was all that Latin?!
I started rereading this book again this morning, with great hope and faith that maybe the second time through I'll actually get more out of it than just a headache. I found myself giggling every now and again the first time through, so there must have been something of merit! And, if you're a Democrat, you'll really like this book because it definitely has a down-with-the-dirty-Republicans, especially that pesky little George W. Bush, slant. If I make it through a second time, and still feel I have the stamina and somewhat lessened levels of stupidity, I would like to read the other book by these authors:

Maybe you'll beat me to it...let me know if I dare try and do this to myself again!

DUMBER

I am dumber than my son.

I'm sure that I could pluralize that into sons, but I only have one story at the moment. And I don't dare ask all three boys to recall any of the dumb things I might have done...I don't have nearly enough self-confidence to withstand their answers, nor time and space enough to write them all down! But this story isn't about me being dumb (sorry to disappoint any of you). It is about Joshua being smart.

A few days ago we finished reading Jacob 5, from the Book of Mormon (amazing book, by the way, for any of you out there who haven't read it!) in our morning scripture study. Jacob, chapter 5, has got to be one of the longest, most confusing allegories out there! And yet, it is also one of the most beautiful, symbolic, and meaningful passages about our Savior, Jesus Christ, and our very loving Heavenly Father, who is ever working, guiding, and loving us toward our true potential.

Anyway, we finished the chapter and moved on to chapter 6, reading this verse:

2 And the day that he shall set his hand again the second time to ^arecover his people, is the day, yea, even the last time, that the ^bservants of the Lord shall go forth in his ^cpower, to ^dnourish and prune his ^evineyard; and after that the ^fend soon cometh.

We moved on a few verses further, until Joshua unexpectedly piped up, saying, "Oh, I get it! So the olive trees are the world and Heavenly Father is in charge of taking care of the world, and Jesus comes and wants to help take care of everyone, and he has servants--those are like missionaries--to help him take care of everything, and then when the end comes--that's like the end of the world--and, I get it, that's why they're burning the bad branches..."

There really is so much more to it than that, but basically, Joshua nailed it. And all on his own, too. It took me years of reading, muddling over, and a college class or two at BYU on the Book of Mormon, before I ever even got close to the understanding he came up with all on his own. My son is definitely smarter than his mom. Sometimes it kind of spooks me, but it always awes and amazes me.

DUMBEST

I don't really have anything for this post, but I just had to continue on in my adjective, comparative, superlative pattern...

So, ha! Made you look!

But, as long as I'm here, let me just say that I think waiting to get Evan and Lane cell phones and unlimited texting was one of the dumbest things we ever did. If only I'd known that once they had the phones and could text to their little hearts' content, that I'd be part of their little hearts' content, we would have done it ages ago. Well, not really. I probably wouldn't have done it any sooner than we did. But now that they do have phones and texting, I do enjoy their little messages to me every now and then. Boys can communicate (albeit with horrendous spelling)! And so what if the usual message is along the lines of, "Are you coming to get me?" Sometimes it's also, "Have a good day, Mom." or "Hope you have a good show." Now that's a beautiful thing!

INTERESTED

Lindsay posted a fantastic little blog entry about her son Slade (Happy Birthday, Slade!). Included was a short list of questions, which I found interesting to read. My particular favorite was finding out that Slade is embarrassed by his sister Emma doing dumb things--Ha!--and that he HATES the 1-2-3 rule. It was all so very Slade, and I was happy to know that Lindsay had captured this moment of Slade so very well.
So I decided to copy her.
Here are my children in a brief question-and-answer nutshell:

JOSHUA:
What is your favorite food? Chicken Broccoli Casserole
Who is your best friend? Why? Hudson, because I’ve known him a long time and we like the same things and like playing with each other.
What makes you laugh? I don’t know…lots of stuff. If someone says something funny or if I’m being tickled.
What is your favorite movie? Stay Alive
What are you most afraid of? Falling off of the trampoline when I’m trying to do a back flip.
What embarrasses you the most? Being pants-ed or farting (which he did right then, by the way).
What is your favorite music? I like to listen to rap and rock, and I think that’s the same thing that Lane likes to listen to.
What makes you really angry? When someone gets in an argument, and it's usually over the stupidest things.
What is your favorite activity? Soccer
If you were parent for a day, which rule would you get rid of? Probably the job rule, having to do all your jobs before playing.
What do you want to be when you grow up? A UPS driver or a teacher or in the military.
Do you think it would be hard to be a mom or a dad? Why? Yes, because your kids don’t listen and they always do bad stuff, and no, because you get to stay up late and watch movies.
If you could have a magical power, what would you choose? Flying. Actually, I would choose everything.
What three things do you think you are good at? Soccer, football, and making people laugh, especially at school.
What is the best thing about being nine? You get to have the Holy Ghost, and just to be older.
What is the best thing about being YOU? I can make people laugh at school.

LANE:
What is your favorite food? Top Ramen, chicken flavor
Who is your best friend? Why? Cody, because we have lots of similar qualities…he’s my brother from another mother.
What makes you laugh? Cody
What is your favorite movie? Stay Alive
What are you most afraid of? Spiders
What embarrasses you the most? My mom
What is your favorite music? Hip hop/rap
What makes you really angry? Sometimes my mom, but nothing really.
What is your favorite activity? Soccer
If you were parent for a day, which rule would you get rid of? The no friends on week-days rule.
What do you want to be when you grow up? A pilot or an architect
Do you think it would be hard to be a mom or a dad? Why? Kind of, because you have to go to work and parent your children so that they don’t make bad decisions.
If you could have a magical power, what would you choose? I would have super speed.
What three things do you think you are good at? Soccer, skateboarding, talking.
What is the best thing about being fifteen? Getting my permit, but I haven’t gotten it yet, but I probably should take that test soon.
What is the best thing about being YOU? I’m unique in my own ways. I bring the party. I can always make people laugh at what I say, but most the time it’s pretty stupid.

EVAN:
What is your favorite food? That’s a tough one…I think overall, salad. Probably taco salad.
Who is your best friend? Why? Well, Jacob, but the truthful answer would be Jesus because He knows me better than I do and He actually knows how to help me in the time I need His help and comfort.
What makes you laugh? Funny videos or funny people
What is your favorite movie? I don’t have one.
What are you most afraid of? Myself. I’m afraid of doing the wrong thing and that it will affect me in the future.
What embarrasses you the most? Dirty pants, when you’re standing in front of a whole crowd and you’re afraid people are going to see it (this was very telling since we had just come home from a fireside where Evan was called up in front to help...).
What is your favorite music? Classical
What makes you really angry? brothers
What is your favorite activity? Singing, or composing, actually.
If you were parent for a day, which rule would you get rid of? None of them, the reason being is that I know that kids don’t want to obey them in the first place, but they’re all there to help you in the long term.
What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to either continue on with my music or go into a designing or engineering field.
Do you think it would be hard to be a mom or a dad? Why? Almost definitely, with just what they have to go through with their children everyday…paying for the bills everyday, unless one of their children works at Wendy’s and then that would make it better. There’s just all that stress they have to go through every day, but I’m sure it’s worth it.
If you could have a magical power, what would you choose? If I would have one specific power, I would like to know how to help other people to make other people’s lives happier.
What three things do you think you are good at? Composing, singing, and using my imagination
What is the best thing about being seventeen? That I’m older, I’m more mature, I’m now facing the real world more than just a regular kid, I’m dating and meeting girls, and gaining a social life, and I’m starting to prepare for adulthood.
What is the best thing about being YOU? I’m very kind and generous and I’m willing to help as much as I can, and I’m patient most of the time.


Those are my boys! I'm thrilled to get to know them! I hope you're lucky enough to know them, too.

EXPLANATORY

Why I should never cook:

Cheese for the tacos...ummm, right. I was just trying to defrost the cheese. Oops.

The aftereffects of my tomato soup. Imagine the same thing all over the stove top, stove bottom, kitchen floor, counters, and walls. It didn't taste good, either, even in a bowl!

Angel Food Cake. Can't you tell? Neither could we, what with the rubber casing on the top, and the pancake like, er, cake underneath...Thank goodness we had brownies to eat, too, which actually did bake up beautifully.

Why Lane should never part his hair on the side:

Why Shea should not let Riley dress herself:

Just kidding! She's adorable, and the hanging pockets just serve to make the shorts more modest!

Here's Riley showing off her newly pierced ears, and her off the shoulder spaghetti straps.

Why Uncle Colin rocks:

He's related to me.

He's pretty darn cute (remember, he's related to me).


He teaches my boys to play the guitar (and with such enthusiasm!).


He left his electric guitar at my house for several days, making this particular boy particularly happy, and particularly fond of the guitar!



He helps create memories.

(In case you can't read this, it is Joshua's Memory Quilt about the time Colin took Joshua and Emma hiking up to Timp cave.)

He has only done the "Flying Burrito" to me once.
Thankfully, I do not have a picture of this event.

Why Evan should stay away from Uncle Colin (besides the whole "Flying Burrito" thing):

Why we loved listening to Conference:

A day spent on the couch...what could be better?

How about:
Sustaining a new prophet.
Sustaining all Church leaders.
Listening to inspired and inspiring messages.
Hearing the music.
Knowing the words.
Recognizing the Spirit (it just feels like...HOME!).


And it was so reverent. Michael sets the best example!

CELEBRATORY!

First of all, here's to having great friends and family (and the fact that some of them are both!). Jalyn and her brother came to town, and entertained us at Britt's house. How can any one person know so many songs, and be able to play and sing ALL of them, and play and sing them all LIKE A SUPER ROCK STAR?!! And by that one person, I mean Jalyn's brother! Jalyn wasn't half bad herself!! But truly, if anyone ever says to me, "You sing well," it will only be because they have never heard a Webb sing.

I also had a marvelous time with dear friend Mindy and Family, but sadly, I did not have my camera. You'll just have to imagine...

Then, congratulations go out to...

Anna, who got baptized on Sunday!

And...

Eric and Clarissa, who had a "theater shower" to celebrate where it was they met and fell in love!

And...

To me, and the cast of "Annie Get Your Gun!" We made it, and had a fabulous opening night last night. Whew! Come and see this "old war horse" if you can. It's great fun!

And, P.S., HAPPY TAX DAY!

DONE

With:

This is a long, beautifully written, meandering, creepy "love" story that absolutely wasn't worth my time (although I read most of it at rehearsal, and that's where I had a lot of time). Nor, do I think, that it would be worth yours. It has been made into a movie, though, and I bet it could be done very well, because then someone could (and should) cut out all the creepy gross stuff (like enemas and affairs...put together!) and share a pretty story. It's rated R, though, so I'll never know.

What I do know is that I really don't like male characters who cannot seem to find a balance in their emotions, so I did not like lead character Florentino Ariza. The catch phrase for this story is, "How long would you wait for love?" But good old FA didn't have or wait for real love; he merely had a major obsession for possession. Real love wants, hopes, and yearns for the other person to succeed and find joy in their choices. Dreaming and scheming for some one's spouse to die probably wouldn't fall under the category of real love. Having affair after affair to satisfy your physical needs, but never marrying so that you can stay "true" to your love, is not real love. Bettering yourself would be something one would do for real love, but bettering yourself in the spirit of pride and competition...not so much. That's not love. In fact, nothing FA did would fall under the category of real love. He was merely selfish.

So, no, I did not enjoy this book. I absolutely do not recommend this book. I did, however, like Marquez's style of writing. It's detailed and descriptive. It's smart and insightful. It says things like this: "Florentino Ariza always forgot when he should not have that women, and Prudencia Pitre more than any other, always think about the hidden meanings of questions more than about the questions themselves." Ha! And this: "They had just celebrated their golden wedding anniversary, and they were not capable of living for even an instant without the other, or without thinking about the other, and that capacity diminished as their age increased. Neither could have said if their mutual dependence was based on love or convenience, but they had never asked the question with their hands on their hearts because both had always preferred not to know the answer." Hmmm...sounds like Marquez knows people well. The problem is, I just don't want to know the people he introduced me to.

UNPRODUCTIVE

I had a whole extra hour this morning during which I could have accomplished many things. Instead, I (GASP! SURPRISE!!) read some more of a book I don't particularly like, and then fell back asleep. Don't tell Michael.

I should have gone to the gym, and I certainly meant to, but never did. I hate to excercise. Once I'm doing it, though, I find I actually really like it!

I should have cleaned my house. At the very least I needed to sweep the kitchen floor and the entryway stairs. I hate to clean, though. Especially when I'm doing it.

I should have made dinner. I meant to make lasagna, but the sauce I was going to use has gone bad (I meant to make lasagna a while back, too...). I think it's going to be another cold cereal/hot ramen night tonight, kids!

I should go get ready for school. Maybe I'll get that done today. But I doubt it. Maybe I'll just at least go to school. I'm at bare minimum functioning today!

DONE

During rehearsal on Saturday I read this book:

Many of you will recognize this book, since it has been around a long time (published in 1946, I believe), and is on many an elementary school reading list--generally a third grade book. I recognized the book as I passed by it in the library, and checked it out just for fun. And it was fun to remember reading it. I also remember coloring in all the pages because they were so blah to me in their blurry grey mistiness.

I am certain that I did not get the full import of this book when I read it back in elementary school. I probably hadn't hurt or been hurt enough to recognize just how easily we can wound each other. At least I hope that's the case. But it was a timely tale this time, since just a few weeks ago we had a cast member quit the show because of some unkind words she overheard in the bathroom. Very few people actually ever set out to hurt someone else, but it sure happens a lot just the same. I suppose that's probably because very few people actually ever set out not to get hurt. And probably even fewer of us ever set out to not hurt. I'd like to join the ranks of the latter two groups, but I am a slow learner, and recently caught myself complaining about a different cast member, despite the recent lessons I should have learned.

If only I'd read this book sooner...or maybe if I just had a hundred dresses myself, I would be a fulfilled lady and not have room for any other sort of malice or malcontent the rest of my days, making me the sweetest, most well-tempered Keri out there...Ah, probably not. But there are always shoes!

DREAMY

Here's my next installment of April Fool's jokes:

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Yes, a clean house would be a dream come true...but it would be a nightmare to make it come true!

Besides, I don't have blond hair. I don't have blond hair, that is, unless I wear a wig--and I never wear a blond wig. Nor do I wear lipstick in bed. Otherwise, the above picture is SO me.

I do, however, have this really cute light brown wig for "Annie Get Your Gun." Wanna' see? We had cast photos tonight, and since I now have a venue for my pictures that does not entail scrap booking, I took my camera to the theater with me tonight. Here are a few for you to view:

My friend Kacey Udy, the props manager for the theater, and me--Jeannie with the light brown hair.

Our director, Tamara Adams.

Some of our lead characters: Buffalo Bill, Annie Oakley, Frank Butler, and Chief Sitting Bull.

Our Chinese Indian.

Our Japanese cowboy. (Josh and I were in the MTC together. Now this is our 4th show together. How fun is that?)

Darling Jason, who has had to dance with me in several shows (4), despite the fact that he is a good three inches shorter than me!

The guys (and Stephanie!) I get to dance with now!

A good example of why guys should like to be involved in musical theater--the girls are hot and wear skimpy costumes!

A good example of why people think guys in musical theater are wierd--they are!

Fun friend Michelle Blake. This is our 3rd show together.

Jenny Hohl, my stunt double.

Marilyn, our amazing choreographer, telling me that I need to be back and over an inch, which I accomplished, by the way, with Greg still on my back, for this lovely feature:

Yee-hah!